lead diameter mechanism composition variations production date origin	2 mm pushbutton incremental advance clutch all metal except for the clutch of all things none 2000 to 2004 Taiwan		above Lead pointer/eraser from the 980 SBKV set. below Lead box from the same set. Note the typeface used for “Sharpener” above and “m/m” below. I’ve coined the term Chinese Default Roman Distorted to describe the peculiarly horrible typefaces that appear on all manner of products made in China. On the bottom of toys and electronics especially, you can find the most horrendous typography. I would expect most businesses that farm out their manufacturing to countries with slave “cheap” labor to take some care to insure that the labels and prominent graphics on the products are done in accordance with the company style guide, but the styling of the little notes that tell you how to put the batteries in and whatnot is apparently left to the discretion of the manufacturer. In China, (and apparently Taiwan) the type invariably chosen for this purpose is a Roman serif type similar to the familiar Times Roman that looks as though it might have been the default font shipped with AutoCAD in 1987 and has been vertically distorted in a clumsy attempt at forming a condensed face.
special features	pointer in removable pushbutton
see also	Alvin “Ben” ATI Technical Pencil 1200

Let me apologize in advance, dear reader, for the content of the letter which follows. If you are easily offended by strong language or references to deviant sexual practices involving stationery products then you might want to fuck off now rather than wait until after the gratuitous vulgarities start flying.

2007 May 3

Dear Mr. or Ms. Guy-At-Staedtler-With-Authority, and/or Guy-Who-Opens-Unsolicited-Mail-And-Hopefully-Forwards-It-To-Guy-With-Some-Authority,

Your company has been a leader in pencil manufacturing for hundreds of years. You have a long tradition of tasteful and thoughtful design in your products and the newest iteration of the Lumograph pencil is no exception. It is beautiful and my favorite wood pencil to actually use. Recently, you updated your corporate identity and actually reverted back to a logo used in the 1960s and 70s. A very clean, and tasteful, um... Mars the Roman God of War’s head, I guess it is. I was very impressed to see that. It took courage and farsightedness to admit the logo you have been using for 30 years was an amorphous turd and that no one could tell what the hell it was. Someone in your company has been showing a deep commitment to design issues that is often sorely lacking in corporate management today. You could easily have created an entirely new logo with color gradients and drop shadows and all manner of graphic offenses, but you looked to the past to find the future and have moved forward because of it.

That said, I must myself move forward and come to the purpose of this letter. Attached, I have included an image of one of your more recent products, the Staedtler 980 SBKV Technical Value Pack. What the fuck is this shit? It would seem to be an inevitable consequence of the long trend toward economic globalization that you outsource manufacturing to countries with slave wages, but to purchase a pre-designed piece of garbage like the 980 rather than design it yourself and have it manufactured by malnourished, underpaid, indentured serfs in some “developing country” is a questionable practice.

Did you even consider at least having someone from corporate sign-off on the packaging? Surely there must be some manner of oversight in place to prevent the placement of Chinese Default Roman Distorted type next to your corporate logo on the sharpener and lead box?

Goddamn it, Staedtler, have some respect for yourself! I mean Jesus-fucking-Christ, what the hell is the unit “m/m” on the lead box? I’ll fucking tell you what it is, it is an expression of acceleration! Are you trying to tell me these leads will accelerate at 2.0 meters per meter? That’s what it fucking says on the box you sloppy fucks! I have half a mind to come right over there and insert the Staedtler 980 SBKV Technical Value Pack at a rate of 2.0 meters per meter up your ass, Mr. or Ms. God-How-I-Wish-Guy-Who-Opens-Unsolicited-Mail-Would-Have-Forwarded-This-Letter-To-Someone-Else!

Regretfully,
Dennis B. Smith
Leadholder.com
Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA

lead diameter mechanism composition variations production date origin	2 mm pushbutton spring clutch plastic barrel, metal fittings none 2005 to (present, 2007) China		above Lead pointer/eraser from the 980 SBKV set. below Lead box from the same set.
special features	lead pointer in removable pushbutton
see also	Staedtler Mars 780 (short grip) drafting leadholder

Everybody laugh. Ha ha ha ha! Oh, and point your fingers too at the moron responsible for the mess that is the Staedtler 980 SBKV Technical Pencil Value Pack. Ha ha (point) ha ha ha! Good, now everybody say “what a dumbass,” and point and laugh. Ha ha (point) “what a fucking dumbass!” Ha ha ha! Oh, that was great. Nice use of “fucking” to emphasize what a dumbass this person is.

I had told myself I would tone down the crude language used in some of my comments on Leadholder and try to be a touch more scholarly. Then I got this “Value Pack” at Staples.

Where to begin? The logo. Un-fucking-believable! Below on the left is the new (2005) Staedtler logo as it appears on the 980 SBKV package. On the right is the logo as it appears on the contents of the 980 SBKV package. Good. God. All. Mighty. The “artwork” apparently had to be recreated from a fax of a photocopy of a discarded letterhead retrieved from the trash bin to be in a format suitable for use in the state-of-the-art crooked imprinting machine at the factory in China.